hermanas.

I feel like I write a lot about love and boys.  But if you give me five minutes of your time I can assure you, you won't be sorry.  

I have been blessed with two amazing sister who I can talk about anything with.  We are best friends and I love it.  I know they will be honest with me, and I know that they are always there for me. {p.s. one is adopted, so yes that picture is my real sisters.}  We share a room, all three of us.  To be honest, yes it's crowded but it's always a party.  My sisters have probably given me the best advice because they know me inside-out.  All this to say, get close with your siblings.  The are always going to be there and there is no bond that is stronger.  My siblings and I have been through so much together, and we kept each other strong.  Don't under estimate the bonds in a family, because friends will come and go but family is forever. {really cliche.}  

Also, get good girl friends!  This is a must in any stage of your life.  But, especially in high school. Find girls that you can be yourself with.  Find girls to share your life with.  Find girls that you can share your heart with.  I wish I would have learned this earlier.  I had girl friends, but I never tried to get close with them. When you find girls that you can share your heart with it will be great.  I hate high school girls.  All the drama, gossip, and back stabbing.  God blessed me with girls that don't do that to me.  If you find good girl friends that love God and will talk to you into the late hours of the night and tell you how beautiful you are, your life will be so much better.  I promise.

xox,

kirsten

self worth.

As long as I can remember I have been one of those girls who never knew who or what she wanted to be. Resulting in me hanging out with a huge variety of people to figure out where I belonged.  During this  search, I hung out with a lot of guys.  I would always hear them talking about girls and they would say things that I really shouldn't of been hearing.  As these boys would talk about girls and the way they dressed, acted, and how they looked, I started to get very insecure.  When the time came that I could actually comprehend what dating was, I tried so hard to get close to guys but as I did they would say something super serious and I would get scared.  For the longest time this would happen where I would lead guys on and then just let them fall. I never intended to date any guy I knew in middle school and I knew that.  But as I got in to high school and dating became a serious thing, I ran into the same problem.  I couldn't get close.  For a while I just believed that it was the guys, they weren't the one.  But as I got older I realized that I wasn't sure of who I was.  I knew who society wanted me to be and who they had made me but, no one knew the real me.  The {sometimes dumb} blonde girl who was really sarcastic and just loved everyone.  I remember one day some girl came up to me and said, "you just don't get it, you live in your own world and have no grasp of reality."  The longer those words sat, the more truth it spoke.  I thought everyone should love me.  I was so used to having people want to be around me that I got really stuck-up and this girl told me what I needed to hear.  But, it hurt to know she was right.  I realized I needed to step into the real world and see who I was.  As this process went on, I feel in love with myself and life.

Another aspect of my life was my "christian life."  I went to church, raised my hand during worship, answered all the questions the church girl way.  I had it all together.  Until I got put in a different small group. I was heart broken.  I had spent my freshman and sophomore year with the same leader and girls, and some of the girls I was with even in middle school.  I was devistated.  But, as soon as I walked into the room I knew the leader would be just what I needed.  She had life experience, someone who was willing to share the dark parts of her life.  Even though I barely related, I could talk to her about stuff and she had experience.  This is when I really started to grow in my relationship with God.  I realized that I couldn't just have any old guy in my life, it needed to be God picked.  I realized that to date, you must first fall in love with God and then, with yourself. God is where I find my identity.

xox, 
kirsten

Heart Break.

Want to hear a story? I think it will help you better understand where I am coming from.

So about this time last year I met this boy who I was convinced was the one.  He was sweet, said nice things to me, was a "christian" and the list goes on.  I was always justifying my actions, "oh, he's a christian so it's okay."  it wasn't.  I let him consume my life.  He controlled my every move not because he was a bad boy or anything like that but just because I valued his opinion so much.  He was not right for me and deep down I knew it, but I didn't want to admit that to myself. I had many friends telling me he wasn't the way to go but what did they know?  We were best friends and in a few months, I told myself, we would be dating.  The dating thing never happened, and you know what? I have God to thank for that.  Looking back I want to smack the old me & yell, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!"  Because he was a big waste of my time.  This boy is still one of my close friends but we both realize that it's better being just friends.  

But coming to the realization that just friends was a lot of work.  We both have always had feelings for each other.  But when we got time apart, I could go on his facebook and see he was not the kind of guy I wanted in my life.  I would see him and everything that I saw on facebook and knew as truth diminished.  I let him hold my heart for a few months.  It wasn't easy getting it back.  I had to break it to him that we couldn't go on like this.  When the time came to get my heart back, he wasn't completely ready to give it back and as a result it was like tug of war and it ripped my heart in half.  I took the half I had and moved on. Getting over him was a lot of crying & taylor swift. Just kidding, kind of..   But really, I prayed a lot for God to bring something into my life to take my mind of it and he delivered.  He brought a new found deep relationship with my sister.  I could tell her my heart and know she would love me no matter what.  The greatest thing?  She holds my heart but would never hurt me.  

When I see him, it hurts.  Because a lot of times it's with other girls and I know in a few months they will be in the same boat.  It hurts to know that he gives his heart to girl and they give theirs to him and pretty soon he will just take his back and move on.  

I do not tell you this story to get pity, because to be honest, I don't care about him anymore.  I tell you this to warn you, guard your heart. Any boy can come in and say the right words and then leave you devistated.  Wait for the guy that will pursue you and show you that he is worthy of you, not just says that he is.  Girls, he is out there.  Don't waste your boys who can talk the talk, anyone can. Wait for someone who can walk the walk.

xox,
kirsten

Spider Web.

Have you ever looked at a spider web. I mean, really closely..  You'll discover that no spider web is the same and they are made very intricately.  What brings me to this is today I was on my patio and I saw a spider web glistening in the sun, without thinking I hit it down. How often do we feel like this spider web? Every human is made differently.  There are different species of spiders like their are different races of humans.  We all build our lives differently kind of like spider webs.  As I thought about it more I started to think about how spider webs are beautiful but spiders are really gross.  This reminded me of how we judge by outside appearance.  People may seem beautiful but really they are gross. Even though spiders may be the last thing we want to compare ourselves to, we have a lot in  common.  Spiders make these huge webs to live in, kind of like we build up our empire to make it seem like we have a lot.  We buy big homes, nice cars, nice clothes, and spend money on things we don't need.  Have you ever noticed that every spider makes a different web? Well in the same way humans don't all live the same lives.  Some have huge homes but they are really lonely.  While people as we see as poor don't see themselves the same beause they have friends and family that love them. Also, when I smacked down the spider web it reminded me of how sometimes, we work so hard to build up our empire and then one little unplanned thing comes and knocks us on our butts. People are strange things, but I beg you, get to know them before you judge them.
xox,
kirsten

Forever Alone.

So lately I have been thinking a lot about dating.  I feel like so many people are getting boyfriends and girlfriends and I was really feeling down on myself like I wasn't good enough to have a boyfriend.  You all know the feeling when even the wierdest girl in school has a boyfriend and you are "forever alone."  This was is me. I have never had a boyfriend in my life, and yes this is by choice.  I have never been on one date, never kissed a boy, held hands with a boy, nothing. Look at me, I am surviving just fine.  I go to public school so I see all kinds of guys. Most of them just want to be physical.  Guys in high school are not looking for a long term relationship, and you shouldn't be either.  This isn't to say that dating is the devil, just be careful.  

As a girl, part of me longs for a boy to hug me and love me and tell me I am beautiful.  But my other half tells me that it is a waste of time.  That my heart is way to fragile right now to deal with someone telling me that "I am not their type."  So, as I was going through one of the groups I am in on facebook called "Spread the Love" which is a group of girls that offer encouragment to each other.  I came across a picture someone posted that said: "Dear girl, don't worry if you're single.  God is looking at you right now saying, 'I"m saving this girl for someone special.'"  So don't worry if you are still single, Gods timing is always perfect.  

The Charm Bracelet

I opened my e-mail & re-discovered this! Check it out, it's such a great story!


The Charm Bracelet
Fiction by Sarah Kistler

"Sweet 16 had finally come! I never thought I‘d make it. But I did. And it was amazing. My parents threw the birthday party of the century, and I had more people than I could count. The whole day had been awesome. But as I watched the sun begin to set, I knew the best part was soon to come.
It was late in the evening. Confetti had been swept up, helium balloons had started to sag and gift wrap had been folded neatly and tucked away for my mom’s later use. As I sat at my window studying the dusky sky, Dad peeked into my room with a smile.
“Ready to go, Sweetie?” he asked.
Was that a trick question? I wondered as I scrambled to my feet. I’d been waiting for this night for five long years, and it was finally here! I was now officially allowed to date!
The plan was for my parents and me to go to my favorite restaurant on the night of my 16th birthday and officiate the agreement, go over standards and discuss rules and such. And now we were finally on our way.
I sat across from my parents in a quiet corner booth. Having just placed our orders, I figured it was time to get on with it. “So. I can go out with any guy I want to, right?” I squealed, hardly able to contain my excitement.
Mom and Dad chuckled. Dad answered, “Well, we agreed to that, didn’t we?”
“Sweet!” I exclaimed, doing a little victory dance in my seat. My parents had held me off for years, but now that the time had come, they would let me date any guy I wanted! Of course they knew I had a good relationship with God and wasn’t too short on common sense, either.
“Now wait just a second,” Mom interrupted with a smile. “You have to agree to a little something yourself.”
I was expecting a lecture of some sort, so I was already prepared. “So what do I have to do now?” I asked, leaning forward on my elbows.
“Just open this,” Dad answered, producing a small white box. He gave a mysterious smile.
One Little Rule
I hesitated a moment before untying the curly pink ribbon. I slowly opened the lid and saw a beautiful silver bracelet. But not just any bracelet. It was a charm bracelet. And they weren’t just any charms. They were gemstones, small but gorgeous. A dozen dainty charms dangled gently.
“Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t expecting this at all.
“Now you have to understand this isn’t just any bracelet,” Mom informed me.
“I know,” I said. “It’s so beautiful!” I studied it closer. There were six small charms alternating with six tinier ones. The smaller ones were a deep blue. Sapphires, I guessed. And the other six were each different. One appeared to be just a rock, one was pink, a white one, a red one, green . . . and was that a diamond?
“This charm bracelet is symbolic,” Dad explained, leaning in closer to study it with me. “It represents you and your purity. This is what will guide you through your dating relationships. Your mother and I can only tell you what’s right. We can’t make you believe it yourself. Hopefully, this will.”
I looked up solemnly. “I’m listening.”
“This represents the first time you hold a guy’s hand,” Mom said, pointing to the gray one. “It’s just a piece of polished granite. Seemingly cheap, yes, but it’s still a part of your bracelet. This is pink quartz.” She gently rubbed the next one between her fingers. “It represents your first kiss.”
“This green one is an emerald,” Dad continued. “This is your first boyfriend. The pearl is the first time you say ‘I love you’ to a man other than me.”
I giggled. This was so amazing.
“The ruby stands for your first engagement. And the diamond represents the first time you say ‘I do,’ ” Mom finished.
After letting it all sink in, I cleared my emotion-clogged throat. “What do the six tiny sapphires stand for?” I asked.
“Those are to remind you how beautiful and valuable you are to us and to God,” Dad replied. “Now here’s the hitch in all this, the one and only rule you’ll ever have to follow when it comes to dating.”
Only one rule. Sounded good. But little did I know . . .
“Whenever you give one these actions of love-a kiss, an ‘I love you,’ a hand to hold-you also have to give the recipient the gem to match.”
I must’ve misunderstood. “I have to give him the gem?”
“You have to give it to him,” Mom restated.
I was silent for a moment. I thought they must be joking. But they weren’t even thinking of cracking a smile.
“But Daddy!” I suddenly shrieked. “These are insanely expensive! I can’t just give them away!”
He gave a soft, loving chuckle. “Did you hear what you just said?”
I thought about it.
“Baby, your purity, your heart, they’re far more valuable than a few little rocks. If you can’t find it in your heart to give away your little charms, I don’t think you should be giving away the things they represent.”
I could feel my insides melting, ready to gush out my tear ducts. On the one hand, it made me feel valuable and precious. But on the other, it made me furious. It made no sense. But it would.
Priceless Gems
A few weeks after that night, I was hanging out with my friends at the beach. Chad wouldn’t swim because I wouldn’t swim. I was more interested in reading than getting caked with sand, and he was more interested in sitting with me than swimming with his buddies. He was sweet. He was cute. And he tried to hold my hand.
I was thrilled for a nanosecond when a certain piece of ugly granite flashed through my mind and made me move out of his reach. I was severely annoyed-annoyed at my parents, annoyed at my bracelet-turned-handcuffs, but most of all, annoyed at myself. I was letting a little rock dominate my romantic life.
I furiously glared at it during the whole embarrassing walk to the bathhouse. But then God hit me upside the head with a shocking epiphany. I couldn’t give up my little chunk of granite. It was a part of my bracelet, which in a sense made it a part of me. I wouldn’t be whole without it. It wasn’t a priceless gem, yet it was still valuable. It made sense after that.
Kevin came along eventually. We had fun. We hung out a lot. I thought I might love him. I thought I might tell him so. I thought of my pearl. It turned out that I didn’t love him as much as I thought I did.
So my parents had been right. They couldn’t make me believe the things they wanted me to believe. So they let God and my bracelet do the work instead. Among the four of them, I figured out how valuable I was. How valuable my purity was. How not valuable guys were who just wasted my time and emotions. If they weren’t in it for the whole bracelet, why should they get one part of it?
Nate. He thought my bracelet was awesome. So he never tried to hold my hand. He never tried to kiss me. But he asked me to marry him.
I never knew that so many years of torture could amount to so much happiness. I’d thought it was silly. I’d thought it was overrated. But now, I‘ve never been more glad of anything in my life. As I gave my husband the charm bracelet in its entirety, I wondered why I had found it so hard to hang on to those little rocks when it was so amazing to give them all to the man I truly loved.
But it didn’t end there. Now our daughter wears it."

Beauty.

I am a {kind of} blonde girl with blue eyes. So a lot of times I hear, "OH MY GOSH! You look like Barbie!" My mom always told me that this was a compliment because barbie was a portrayal of the "perfect woman"  
WHAT THE HECK DOES PERFECT MEAN?! long hair? blue eyes? blonde? tall? pretty? perfect skin? 
 I feel like I am drowning in a world of barbies. Everyone tries to look just look everyone else.  Trust me, I am so guilty of this.  As trends change, I go along with them.  By no means, am I telling to you that going with the crowd is wrong, IF you like what they are doing.  There is nothing wrong with hollister, abercombie, forever 21, and aeropostale; if you like them.  I am one of the biggest culprit.  When I go shopping with my friends and I try on something that I am not necesary in love with but they tell me are cute and I buy them and never wear them.  


And while I am talking about this I want to talk about the crave to be skinny. I am very skinny for my age {about 105 lbs.} but I am very healthy, I run and eat very well.  I just have a high metabolism from who knows what..  But, I get really sad when I watch fashion shows and the models are 20-30 years old and are the same weight, it's so sad.  This is a real problem. We have been fed that skinny is beautiful. {and to all you naturally skinny girls like me, I am not saying you aren't beautiful}  But, when you turn to unhealthy things to get skinny like anorexia or bulemia then it's not pretty.  There are so many healthy ways to get your body to look how you want it; diet and excercise.  {p.s. not eating isn't a diet.}


Fashion magazines. Vogue. Fashion. Elle. 
Cosmopolitan. Seventeen. Glamour. These are all names I am sure most girls have seen and most likely read.  How do you feel after you read these magazines? Not pretty. Worthless. Ugly.  This is how they want you to feel. How sick is that?!  They know that if you feel inferior, you will buy things that will make you pretty.  Let me tell you something I learned the hard way, there is no get pretty fast technique.  Throw as much make-up on as you want, it's all fake.  Buy those $150 boots. {I really do love uggs, just making a point.}  Spend hours curling or straightening your hair.  None of it is real.  The sooner you learn to love yourself, and I mean your natural self, that happier you will be; I promise.


Girls, please realize as girls, we have a natural desire to want to be love and accepted.  Just please evaluate your life; who are you trying to please.  The "popular" girls will just keep changing.  Who wants friends that you have to change for?  Friends are supposed to love you, for you.  Not who they want you to be. Always remember that you are beautiful!


xox,
kirsten

Goodbye & Hello.

Okay, so I have a lot of senior friends as you know from past blog entries.  So recently I have been asking why a lot!  I have a lot of friends that will be headed to college and I am feeling abandoned.  I am so scared that I will be left with no one.  One night I was talking to one of my friends about this and she told me that people walk out of our lives and that means that their part it over and that's sad but God won't take people out with out replacing them with something better.  Even though all my senior friends are irreplacable there are people that will enter my life and make their absence more bearable.  


Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. -Deuteronomy 31:6


God doesn't always give you what you want, but what you need.  This next year will definetly be different but also an adventure.  I can't wait to see what people will be brought into my life as others are taken out.  


xox,
kirsten

Camp Barnabas.

Bar·na·bas

  [bahr-nuh-buhs] 

noun

the surname of the Cyprian Levite Joseph, a companion of Paul on his first missionary journey. Acts 4:36, 37.

So, I am going to talk about one of the best places on the planet. Not because it's super relaxing.  Or it's tropical and nice. Or because you get waited on hand and foot.  In fact, it's none of those.  Camp Barnabas is a camp for special needs kids where you get to be with one kid one on one and serve them throughout the week.  So, why is that camp barnabas so great?  It's so life changing and it's a place of self discovery.  So let me walk you through what we do there.

this is my church group, Woodside Bible, waiting out side the gate.






then you go to IP and sing songs and talk about what the week will hold. 

Next, you go to Training. This is where they talk about the the different disabilities.

CAMPERS ARRIVAL! This is when you finally meet your camper!

every night there is 
a different party: baseball party, biggest loser, pool party, circus party, and dance party! 

the last night is the cross carry, where we honor campers that have come to camp and since died.  


Camp Barnabas has become a huge part of my life.  I went last year, and God has blessed me with the opportunity to go back!  I have no idea what to expect even though I have been before.  With special needs kids, you never know. 


Also, please keep me and the team in your prayers.  Pray for..


-team unity
-fun
-safe trip there and back
-safety during camp
-the campers
-the staff
-the CIAs {people like me}


xox,
Kirsten

Love.

I have been thinking a lot abot love lately.  With a lot of my friends leaving I wonder who I will stay close with.  Also, with the name of my blog being Love Yourself, I decided to look into the different kinds of love.  Copied and pasted from: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.htm

Epithumia: A love based on a strong desire of many sorts. Many times it is associated with lust or sometimes to covet. While epithumia love can draw couples closer together it can also be divisive as it can lead to an uncontrollable desire to have or to own. To mutually desire each other sexually and to engross themselves in love making that is driven both by desire and selflessness in pleasing each other. Epithumia love is a double edged sword and is most likely manifested in a positive manner in the early stages of a relationship. Eros: This the love most associated with romance. It is that head-over-heals feeling we get when a relationship moves forward. Your world and mind circles about your loved one and they are always on your mind. You strive for time together romantically. It is manifested in poetry, words of affirmation, love making, that special look in the eyes.…. A feeling that you could not be happy in life without their companionship and love. Eros love is wholly emotional and cannot be summoned at will. Sadly while most of us have experience eros love in our lives it is not sustainable. Most experts estimate that it will only last 18 – 24 months in the best of relationship before the relationship moves on to another form of love. While eros love is not sustainable, it can cycle in and out of a relationship over its course. Storge: (Also Greek) Storge love is often described as a comfortable old shoe relationship comprised of natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other. Storge love represents a safe haven for couples as it is a place of acceptance, mutual respect and shelter. Many couple dwell in storge love for years and misunderstand it as mundane or boring. But in effect it is a very safe place but can simply lack that spark we seek. It can also serve as the moat around your marriage protecting it from outside forces and allow the other types of loves to dwell and flourish. Storge love can co-exist with other types of love and can be likened to a foundation made up of trust and safety. Phileo: This love cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. While eros makes lovers phileo makes a close companionship that is all trusting. They share each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams. They confide in each other the most intimate secrets, fears and needs that they would not share with another. Agape: Agape love is of particular significance to marriages in troubled waters, especially if one partner has disconnected. To love agapely is to love your spouse completely, love them wholly, but expect nothing in return from them at the current time. Agape love is different from eros love in that it is not sexual, nor romantic in nature. Its nature is that of self sacrifice but is not unconditional. You can love your spouse completely and still have boundaries and maintain your self respect. Agape love is also different from the other kinds of love in that you can choose it. You can elect to love your spouse this way because it is what is best for your family and marriage. It is a giving of yourself for the betterment of the marriage. Agape love can help you to “protect” yourself emotionally during difficult times as you love your spouse but expect nothing in return. I beg you to figure out what kind of love you have for people.  Do not get carried away; you love a boyfriend {or girlfriend} with phileo love, not eros or storge.  Statistically most high school relationships will end and if you have the mindset of eros love or storge love, then it will be tragic when it ends.  Please remember that petty high school relationships are epithumia love!   So I challenge you to look at your relationships with friends, family, and significant others ansd be honest with yourself are you in the kind of love with them that you are supposed to be.  You and a high school sweetheart should not be in eros love.  So evaluate the people in your life, and be honest with yourself.  If you are in the wrong kind of love with them it will break you when you lose them.

Seniors.

So, since I have a plethora of senior friends, I figured writing a little something about them would be nice.  I also included a picture for each person that will have some significance.. 
LET'S BEGIN!

Annie. Mentor. Track Friend. I have honestly loved getting to know you!  You always know exactly what to say.  I kind of wish the mentor thing would have actually taken off but, oh well. You always let me vent to you. One of my best memories with you is at the Bill Breen JV Relays and just sitting up in the press box and catching up.  I am so happy for you, Wheaton, man that's far away.  They are so lucky to have you! I will be up there lots! Thank you for everything.  Never change! Always be the crazy nice, encouraging, super loving girl that I know and love!  Come back and visit often!

Dominic. My little Hollister Model. The man that almost killed me.  One of Tiondra's loves.  One of my best friends.  So this cute little picture below, remember this gem? Yep, it's back. So, our friendship is very different than others I have had..  It's a good thing great thing.  So, I'll be honest, I have no clue how we met.  But, probably Barnabas stuff!  From the beginning we clicked.  You are one of the few people that I can be around for long periods of time and not get annoyed.  I feel like I can be honest with you and you won't judge me.  But, you keep me grounded on my toes.  It's always an adventure with you. From scavanging throught Walmart to runnning around taking pictures next to street signs.  Thank you for always being the photographer! Grand Valley will be such a blast!  Don't party too hard! 

Jordan. Teddy Bear. Oshka Attacker.  So this picture, I laugh so hard when I see it because I remember being so scared to get out you barely flinched and I like fell over.  But, you are honestly so sweet!  You are so selfless.  I really admire that even though you went through such a hard time with losing your dad, you stay strong.  Barnabas will not be the same without you and your cooler of food.  Hah, but I am glad that you are staying around WSM. 

Katie. Spiderman Hug Buddy.  So this picture, so cute!  I honestly love it!  Yates Cider Mill with friends on a nice fall day, ahh!  But, into the mushy stuff.  I love our deep talks that can honestly starts anywhere. {ex. getting food at Annie's grad party}  But, you will always be my husband. I love you to death.  I miss your party when we played capture the flag and everyone just pretty much quit. {with those TOTALLY even teams.}  But anways, State.  Dang girl, don't go to crazy! Love you!

Rachael. My sitting in my driveway talking buddy. You are honestly so fun to be around.  Something I have always admired about you is the fact that you know when to have fun and you know when it's time to be quiet.  I feel like I can talk to you about anything!  I am so excited that you are going to Barnabas again!  Grand Valley will be so fun!  It will be such an adventure!  I will be up there lots! :)


Stephanie. My 100 pound buddy. Butterfly. I relate to you so much.  It goes beyond the fact that we are both skinny.  At Barnabas, I felt so close to you.  I think it's true what they say: you get close to people in a camp enviroment.  I feel like I can talk to you about anything.  You are so stinking cute!  I feel like a part of my heart is missing with you {and sarina} not going to Barnabas.  But, I am so glad you are staying around WSM another year! :)


Seniors. Class of 2012. Friends. Brothers and Sisters.  I will miss you all so much as you go your seperate ways.  But, always remember that every last one of you have a very special place in my heart! 


{sorry to anyone I missed, there is no way to do everyone and I have exams tomorrow.}

Marraige: It's a crazy thing we always think about.

I just made a Pinterest. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a website to post pictures and ideas. I myself am a teenage girl and will admit to having one.  Being a teenage girl, I follow other teenage girls on Pinterest.  Everyday I log on and see many "wedding idea" pins.  Now I don't know about you but, I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL! Yes, one day I hope to get married to Prince Charming but I'm not worrying about planning my wedding right this second.  I trust that God will bring the right guy into my life, and even if I live my life single that's okay because I know God has a plan. But back to my point, yes I do think about my wedding and how I hope it's beautiful and perfect.  But, at the same time, I realize that I am in high school.  So, when I go on pinterest and see all these wedding pins it kind of stresses me out.  I feel like I should be sitting down right at this moment and be planning my wedding.  Yes, I understand that it can be fun to think about.  Some days I love to sit and think about it but other days I really don't want to stress myself out.

So, now I come to the question: why do we care so much about our wedding? I know as a girl, and even as a guy, that it is a huge day, and a pivotal point in our lives.  Because that magical moment {or at least I'm guessing it's magical} when you find the girl/guy you want to spend the rest of your life with it becomes an obession. So, I am led to believe that when you start gaining interest in the opposite sex is when this wedding planning obsession starts to kick on; so like middle school, high school?  I think we see so many "happy couples" and start to think that dating is the key to happiness. If it were really that simple, a lot more people would be happy, no? 

Forgiveness.

Today at church, Pastor Doug was talking about forgiveness.  This connected to my life a lot.  This is the list,. they gave us on our bulletin, of what total forgiveness looks like:
1. being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them.
2. Choosing to keep no records of wrong.
3. Refusing to punish.
4. Not telling what the did.
5. Being merciful. {Matthew 5:7}
6. Graciousness
7. It is an inner condition. {Matthew 12:34}
8. It is an absensce of bitterness.


So you're probally wondering why some of those numbers were boldfaced.  These are biggest struggle with forgiving others and being forgiven.  I always want to gossip and tell people what happened when they are talking about that person.  I am ashamed to say that I have often given in; much more than I have resisted.  Also, when people have "forgiven" me and then they go and tell people what happened or continue to hold it over my head, it eats me inside.  I feel so guilty everytime I hurt people unintentially and when they keep bringing it up it kills me inside and it shows that they haven't completely forgiven me.  Then I feel bad and it just stinks for everyone involved.

But number 4, goes hand-in-hand with number 8.  When people keep talking about your mistakes and failures they {and you} continue to be bitter.  I have one friend that ALWAYS hold my mistakes over my head. I fell awful for my mistake and would love to be forgiven and have it be forgotten.  But with the sheer mass of people that know, I do not see that happening anytime soon.  It makes me sick to think about.  The night it happened I stayed up all night crying because of my guilt.  The Holy Spirit makes me feel awful for things I do, and I kind of love that about Him.  So, I have Him; I do not need others to point out my mistakes.

Please, I am begging you, forgive and forget.  You never know when you, joking about it could not be as fun for the person you are joking around with.