Heart Break.

Want to hear a story? I think it will help you better understand where I am coming from.

So about this time last year I met this boy who I was convinced was the one.  He was sweet, said nice things to me, was a "christian" and the list goes on.  I was always justifying my actions, "oh, he's a christian so it's okay."  it wasn't.  I let him consume my life.  He controlled my every move not because he was a bad boy or anything like that but just because I valued his opinion so much.  He was not right for me and deep down I knew it, but I didn't want to admit that to myself. I had many friends telling me he wasn't the way to go but what did they know?  We were best friends and in a few months, I told myself, we would be dating.  The dating thing never happened, and you know what? I have God to thank for that.  Looking back I want to smack the old me & yell, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!"  Because he was a big waste of my time.  This boy is still one of my close friends but we both realize that it's better being just friends.  

But coming to the realization that just friends was a lot of work.  We both have always had feelings for each other.  But when we got time apart, I could go on his facebook and see he was not the kind of guy I wanted in my life.  I would see him and everything that I saw on facebook and knew as truth diminished.  I let him hold my heart for a few months.  It wasn't easy getting it back.  I had to break it to him that we couldn't go on like this.  When the time came to get my heart back, he wasn't completely ready to give it back and as a result it was like tug of war and it ripped my heart in half.  I took the half I had and moved on. Getting over him was a lot of crying & taylor swift. Just kidding, kind of..   But really, I prayed a lot for God to bring something into my life to take my mind of it and he delivered.  He brought a new found deep relationship with my sister.  I could tell her my heart and know she would love me no matter what.  The greatest thing?  She holds my heart but would never hurt me.  

When I see him, it hurts.  Because a lot of times it's with other girls and I know in a few months they will be in the same boat.  It hurts to know that he gives his heart to girl and they give theirs to him and pretty soon he will just take his back and move on.  

I do not tell you this story to get pity, because to be honest, I don't care about him anymore.  I tell you this to warn you, guard your heart. Any boy can come in and say the right words and then leave you devistated.  Wait for the guy that will pursue you and show you that he is worthy of you, not just says that he is.  Girls, he is out there.  Don't waste your boys who can talk the talk, anyone can. Wait for someone who can walk the walk.

xox,
kirsten

Forever Alone.

So lately I have been thinking a lot about dating.  I feel like so many people are getting boyfriends and girlfriends and I was really feeling down on myself like I wasn't good enough to have a boyfriend.  You all know the feeling when even the wierdest girl in school has a boyfriend and you are "forever alone."  This was is me. I have never had a boyfriend in my life, and yes this is by choice.  I have never been on one date, never kissed a boy, held hands with a boy, nothing. Look at me, I am surviving just fine.  I go to public school so I see all kinds of guys. Most of them just want to be physical.  Guys in high school are not looking for a long term relationship, and you shouldn't be either.  This isn't to say that dating is the devil, just be careful.  

As a girl, part of me longs for a boy to hug me and love me and tell me I am beautiful.  But my other half tells me that it is a waste of time.  That my heart is way to fragile right now to deal with someone telling me that "I am not their type."  So, as I was going through one of the groups I am in on facebook called "Spread the Love" which is a group of girls that offer encouragment to each other.  I came across a picture someone posted that said: "Dear girl, don't worry if you're single.  God is looking at you right now saying, 'I"m saving this girl for someone special.'"  So don't worry if you are still single, Gods timing is always perfect.