songs that heal the heart.

I was listening to my pandora before I left for Barnabas and You Are More by Tenth Avenue North came on.  It was just what I needed to hear. Knowing that I am worth more than the mistakes I have made was so freeing. Just because Barnabas last year was not great didn't mean this year had to be the same way.  I had a fresh start!  

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

Another song that really hit home was Beautiful by Mercyme.  Pretty much saying that even when you are super discouraged and you feel like a failure, God still thinks you are beautiful!  

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves,
Enough to die!

You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His.

how great is that? You always belong to God, no matter what you do! No matter how weak and helpless you feel, He is always right besides you.

xox,

kirsten

p.s. my camp blog will be up soon, I am still working on writing it! But here's a picture of my camper! 

going back?

Last year two days from today I left for Camp Barnabas for the first time. This year, in two days, I am going back.  Let me explain the ironic thing, I can't think of one reason why I am going back.  Honestly, I don't even know if I want to go back.  My heart is pounding! I wish God would just tell me why the heck I am going back! Last year my camper and I didn't click at all, and I was so homesick!  Don't get me wrong, I loved Lili.  But, she was so quiet and I felt like she didn't appreciate me. {sorry, as a girl I long to be appreciated..} We had a lot of fun together as you see in the two pictures that go along with this post, but we never really bonded.  So I can't imagine why God would send me back..


I rest in the fact that I am going back for a reason.  I am being sent to this camp for a certain kid, a kid that needs me, or maybe I need them.  Long story short, I have a purpose in going back.  I just have to find it! Who knows maybe my camper will hate me, maybe it will be someone I was never expecting or maybe it will be someone I will get super close with.  But I trust God to know that he has the perfect camper planned for me.  


Psalm 32:8 says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.


Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.


I find rest in these verses, I am going back to Camp Barnabas for a reason. Maybe I need the kid. Maybe the kid needs me.  Maybe, someone else in the cabin needs me. Maybe, I will never know why I was sent back. But, I know one thing, I am on this team for a reason. For one camper that God has been planning our lives for the moment our paths cross.  {crazy right?!}   But, that is how great the God I serve is.  I know he wouldn't bring me to this camp for nothing, and I am very excited to see why I get to go back. 


xox,
kirsten


p.s if you think of it, please pray for
-team unity
-safety
-our campers
-the counclers {CIAs}
& I will be posting an update when I get back, hopefully soon after the 21st!  Don't leave me, I will be back! & with pictures!! :)

Remind me.

I am one of those people who had never had any huge life plans.  I have always felt inferior to my friends who have their lives planned out.  I want so desperately to know what my life will hold.  I know that God has a plan, I just wish His path was a little more clear.  I don't want to make my own plans for fear of messing with God's. 

Have you ever heard a song and you just sat there thinking, "wow, this person can read my mind!"  Well today I was sitting eating my lunch listening to the Christian Contemporary channel on Pandora and Remind me who I am to You by Jason Gray came on.  I kind of tuned it out because I was on facebook, but at a closer listen, it explains my life!  Just read & let the words soak in..

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't receive Your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm Your beloved,
Can You help me believe it.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You.
That I belong to You.

I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.

When you forget who you are and what your purpose on earth is, ask God to remind you why you are here.  He will blow you away.  You are not here to drool over One Direction, repin cute clothes, and have fun with your friends. As fun {and harmless.} as this stuff is, don't let it get in the wayof your calling on the earth.  Love the least, encourage people, serve.  No one on this earth is here on accident, even the meanest person.  You are placed in your home, your classes, your friend groups, your church, for a certain purpose.  Never lose sight of the things that actually matter.  You can bring friends & family to heaven with you, but clothes, computer, phones, and other material items don't.  Prioritize!  If you open your heart to Gods plan and what he wants to do in your life I can guarantee you won't regret it.  It won't be east but trust me, it is so worth it!

xox,
kirsten

give in to relaxation.

I have forgotten how to relax.  I am ADHD, I have such a hard time just sitting and relaxing.  My sister always wants to just lay and tan and I can't.  I always feel like I have something to be doing.  I took a stress test a year ago and got a 33, normal is like 25.  I was the highest in my class.  I feel powerless.  My ADHD controls me.  I have always longed to be able to just sit on the beach and soak up the sun, but my brain won't let me.  Until this weekend..

The weekend of the 4th, my family and some friends came up to our friends cottage with us.  It sits on a quiet lake.  All we have to do is swim and relax.  Enviroments like this are the only place that I can relax, because there is nothing I can be doing other than relaxing.  If you know me, you know I am a very good actress.  I am very good at making it look like I have it all together.  I don't. Sometimes, I get so worked up over the smallest, little things.  It's because I bottle so much up, and just save it.  Then when something happens, I just explode.  But this weekend, I was able to just catch up with friends I have known since childhood. It's amazing how fun it can be just to swim, take walks down the highway {haha.} eat, laugh, reminice, take pictures, and just talk.  I think so often we get so caught up in the ups & downs and life and forget to relax & laugh.  Life's moments are so precious.  Cherish all the late nights, friends, fun, laughs, talks, and chances to relax.


luke 21:34 says, But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap.


xox,
kirsten

Jealousy.

Beauty intimidates, correct?  I believe this whole-heartedly.  Beautiful people are intimidating, but it's all in the mindset.  You will always run into people that are prettier, skinnier, dress better, have better skin than you. If you are don't know your beauty, you will feel inferior to these people.  Listen, self pity will get you no where.  Hating yourself won't make you prettier.  Find things that you love in yourself like your hair, eyes, your laugh, etc.  If you pin point what you love about you then beautiful people won't be as intimidating.  If you need a little extra help put these things you love on sticky notes on your mirror.  Then when you're getting ready, you will be looking at things you love about yourself.  

There was this girl that was new and she was gorgeous.  One of my friends came up and told me she looked like a mean girl.  This judgement was purely based on her being pretty.  It was obvious then that to my friend, beauty was mean.  I am begging you, don't make these kind of judgements they just rot away at your opportunity to get to know them for who they are.  

When you look up jealousy this is what comes up: 


Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.    


So pretty much, jealousy is being bitter about what you don't have.  What a waste of time!  Who wants to spend their time thinking about what the lack?  If you live your life like this, it's draining.  When you contantly think about how inferior you are, you will never feel good.  Talking about what others lack might make you feel good for a moment, but what good does it do in the long run? You feel guilty and that person feels inferior.  Girls, why do we do this to each other?! I don't get it.  We are all so beautiful, no need to hate.  Love yourself and love others. 

"And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
 Matthew 22:39


xox, 
kirsten