Heart Break.

Want to hear a story? I think it will help you better understand where I am coming from.

So about this time last year I met this boy who I was convinced was the one.  He was sweet, said nice things to me, was a "christian" and the list goes on.  I was always justifying my actions, "oh, he's a christian so it's okay."  it wasn't.  I let him consume my life.  He controlled my every move not because he was a bad boy or anything like that but just because I valued his opinion so much.  He was not right for me and deep down I knew it, but I didn't want to admit that to myself. I had many friends telling me he wasn't the way to go but what did they know?  We were best friends and in a few months, I told myself, we would be dating.  The dating thing never happened, and you know what? I have God to thank for that.  Looking back I want to smack the old me & yell, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!"  Because he was a big waste of my time.  This boy is still one of my close friends but we both realize that it's better being just friends.  

But coming to the realization that just friends was a lot of work.  We both have always had feelings for each other.  But when we got time apart, I could go on his facebook and see he was not the kind of guy I wanted in my life.  I would see him and everything that I saw on facebook and knew as truth diminished.  I let him hold my heart for a few months.  It wasn't easy getting it back.  I had to break it to him that we couldn't go on like this.  When the time came to get my heart back, he wasn't completely ready to give it back and as a result it was like tug of war and it ripped my heart in half.  I took the half I had and moved on. Getting over him was a lot of crying & taylor swift. Just kidding, kind of..   But really, I prayed a lot for God to bring something into my life to take my mind of it and he delivered.  He brought a new found deep relationship with my sister.  I could tell her my heart and know she would love me no matter what.  The greatest thing?  She holds my heart but would never hurt me.  

When I see him, it hurts.  Because a lot of times it's with other girls and I know in a few months they will be in the same boat.  It hurts to know that he gives his heart to girl and they give theirs to him and pretty soon he will just take his back and move on.  

I do not tell you this story to get pity, because to be honest, I don't care about him anymore.  I tell you this to warn you, guard your heart. Any boy can come in and say the right words and then leave you devistated.  Wait for the guy that will pursue you and show you that he is worthy of you, not just says that he is.  Girls, he is out there.  Don't waste your boys who can talk the talk, anyone can. Wait for someone who can walk the walk.

xox,
kirsten

Goodbye & Hello.

Okay, so I have a lot of senior friends as you know from past blog entries.  So recently I have been asking why a lot!  I have a lot of friends that will be headed to college and I am feeling abandoned.  I am so scared that I will be left with no one.  One night I was talking to one of my friends about this and she told me that people walk out of our lives and that means that their part it over and that's sad but God won't take people out with out replacing them with something better.  Even though all my senior friends are irreplacable there are people that will enter my life and make their absence more bearable.  


Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. -Deuteronomy 31:6


God doesn't always give you what you want, but what you need.  This next year will definetly be different but also an adventure.  I can't wait to see what people will be brought into my life as others are taken out.  


xox,
kirsten

Camp Barnabas.

Bar·na·bas

  [bahr-nuh-buhs] 

noun

the surname of the Cyprian Levite Joseph, a companion of Paul on his first missionary journey. Acts 4:36, 37.

So, I am going to talk about one of the best places on the planet. Not because it's super relaxing.  Or it's tropical and nice. Or because you get waited on hand and foot.  In fact, it's none of those.  Camp Barnabas is a camp for special needs kids where you get to be with one kid one on one and serve them throughout the week.  So, why is that camp barnabas so great?  It's so life changing and it's a place of self discovery.  So let me walk you through what we do there.

this is my church group, Woodside Bible, waiting out side the gate.






then you go to IP and sing songs and talk about what the week will hold. 

Next, you go to Training. This is where they talk about the the different disabilities.

CAMPERS ARRIVAL! This is when you finally meet your camper!

every night there is 
a different party: baseball party, biggest loser, pool party, circus party, and dance party! 

the last night is the cross carry, where we honor campers that have come to camp and since died.  


Camp Barnabas has become a huge part of my life.  I went last year, and God has blessed me with the opportunity to go back!  I have no idea what to expect even though I have been before.  With special needs kids, you never know. 


Also, please keep me and the team in your prayers.  Pray for..


-team unity
-fun
-safe trip there and back
-safety during camp
-the campers
-the staff
-the CIAs {people like me}


xox,
Kirsten

Love.

I have been thinking a lot abot love lately.  With a lot of my friends leaving I wonder who I will stay close with.  Also, with the name of my blog being Love Yourself, I decided to look into the different kinds of love.  Copied and pasted from: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.htm

Epithumia: A love based on a strong desire of many sorts. Many times it is associated with lust or sometimes to covet. While epithumia love can draw couples closer together it can also be divisive as it can lead to an uncontrollable desire to have or to own. To mutually desire each other sexually and to engross themselves in love making that is driven both by desire and selflessness in pleasing each other. Epithumia love is a double edged sword and is most likely manifested in a positive manner in the early stages of a relationship. Eros: This the love most associated with romance. It is that head-over-heals feeling we get when a relationship moves forward. Your world and mind circles about your loved one and they are always on your mind. You strive for time together romantically. It is manifested in poetry, words of affirmation, love making, that special look in the eyes.…. A feeling that you could not be happy in life without their companionship and love. Eros love is wholly emotional and cannot be summoned at will. Sadly while most of us have experience eros love in our lives it is not sustainable. Most experts estimate that it will only last 18 – 24 months in the best of relationship before the relationship moves on to another form of love. While eros love is not sustainable, it can cycle in and out of a relationship over its course. Storge: (Also Greek) Storge love is often described as a comfortable old shoe relationship comprised of natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other. Storge love represents a safe haven for couples as it is a place of acceptance, mutual respect and shelter. Many couple dwell in storge love for years and misunderstand it as mundane or boring. But in effect it is a very safe place but can simply lack that spark we seek. It can also serve as the moat around your marriage protecting it from outside forces and allow the other types of loves to dwell and flourish. Storge love can co-exist with other types of love and can be likened to a foundation made up of trust and safety. Phileo: This love cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. While eros makes lovers phileo makes a close companionship that is all trusting. They share each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams. They confide in each other the most intimate secrets, fears and needs that they would not share with another. Agape: Agape love is of particular significance to marriages in troubled waters, especially if one partner has disconnected. To love agapely is to love your spouse completely, love them wholly, but expect nothing in return from them at the current time. Agape love is different from eros love in that it is not sexual, nor romantic in nature. Its nature is that of self sacrifice but is not unconditional. You can love your spouse completely and still have boundaries and maintain your self respect. Agape love is also different from the other kinds of love in that you can choose it. You can elect to love your spouse this way because it is what is best for your family and marriage. It is a giving of yourself for the betterment of the marriage. Agape love can help you to “protect” yourself emotionally during difficult times as you love your spouse but expect nothing in return. I beg you to figure out what kind of love you have for people.  Do not get carried away; you love a boyfriend {or girlfriend} with phileo love, not eros or storge.  Statistically most high school relationships will end and if you have the mindset of eros love or storge love, then it will be tragic when it ends.  Please remember that petty high school relationships are epithumia love!   So I challenge you to look at your relationships with friends, family, and significant others ansd be honest with yourself are you in the kind of love with them that you are supposed to be.  You and a high school sweetheart should not be in eros love.  So evaluate the people in your life, and be honest with yourself.  If you are in the wrong kind of love with them it will break you when you lose them.

Seniors.

So, since I have a plethora of senior friends, I figured writing a little something about them would be nice.  I also included a picture for each person that will have some significance.. 
LET'S BEGIN!

Annie. Mentor. Track Friend. I have honestly loved getting to know you!  You always know exactly what to say.  I kind of wish the mentor thing would have actually taken off but, oh well. You always let me vent to you. One of my best memories with you is at the Bill Breen JV Relays and just sitting up in the press box and catching up.  I am so happy for you, Wheaton, man that's far away.  They are so lucky to have you! I will be up there lots! Thank you for everything.  Never change! Always be the crazy nice, encouraging, super loving girl that I know and love!  Come back and visit often!

Dominic. My little Hollister Model. The man that almost killed me.  One of Tiondra's loves.  One of my best friends.  So this cute little picture below, remember this gem? Yep, it's back. So, our friendship is very different than others I have had..  It's a good thing great thing.  So, I'll be honest, I have no clue how we met.  But, probably Barnabas stuff!  From the beginning we clicked.  You are one of the few people that I can be around for long periods of time and not get annoyed.  I feel like I can be honest with you and you won't judge me.  But, you keep me grounded on my toes.  It's always an adventure with you. From scavanging throught Walmart to runnning around taking pictures next to street signs.  Thank you for always being the photographer! Grand Valley will be such a blast!  Don't party too hard! 

Jordan. Teddy Bear. Oshka Attacker.  So this picture, I laugh so hard when I see it because I remember being so scared to get out you barely flinched and I like fell over.  But, you are honestly so sweet!  You are so selfless.  I really admire that even though you went through such a hard time with losing your dad, you stay strong.  Barnabas will not be the same without you and your cooler of food.  Hah, but I am glad that you are staying around WSM. 

Katie. Spiderman Hug Buddy.  So this picture, so cute!  I honestly love it!  Yates Cider Mill with friends on a nice fall day, ahh!  But, into the mushy stuff.  I love our deep talks that can honestly starts anywhere. {ex. getting food at Annie's grad party}  But, you will always be my husband. I love you to death.  I miss your party when we played capture the flag and everyone just pretty much quit. {with those TOTALLY even teams.}  But anways, State.  Dang girl, don't go to crazy! Love you!

Rachael. My sitting in my driveway talking buddy. You are honestly so fun to be around.  Something I have always admired about you is the fact that you know when to have fun and you know when it's time to be quiet.  I feel like I can talk to you about anything!  I am so excited that you are going to Barnabas again!  Grand Valley will be so fun!  It will be such an adventure!  I will be up there lots! :)


Stephanie. My 100 pound buddy. Butterfly. I relate to you so much.  It goes beyond the fact that we are both skinny.  At Barnabas, I felt so close to you.  I think it's true what they say: you get close to people in a camp enviroment.  I feel like I can talk to you about anything.  You are so stinking cute!  I feel like a part of my heart is missing with you {and sarina} not going to Barnabas.  But, I am so glad you are staying around WSM another year! :)


Seniors. Class of 2012. Friends. Brothers and Sisters.  I will miss you all so much as you go your seperate ways.  But, always remember that every last one of you have a very special place in my heart! 


{sorry to anyone I missed, there is no way to do everyone and I have exams tomorrow.}