Forgiveness.

Today at church, Pastor Doug was talking about forgiveness.  This connected to my life a lot.  This is the list,. they gave us on our bulletin, of what total forgiveness looks like:
1. being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them.
2. Choosing to keep no records of wrong.
3. Refusing to punish.
4. Not telling what the did.
5. Being merciful. {Matthew 5:7}
6. Graciousness
7. It is an inner condition. {Matthew 12:34}
8. It is an absensce of bitterness.


So you're probally wondering why some of those numbers were boldfaced.  These are biggest struggle with forgiving others and being forgiven.  I always want to gossip and tell people what happened when they are talking about that person.  I am ashamed to say that I have often given in; much more than I have resisted.  Also, when people have "forgiven" me and then they go and tell people what happened or continue to hold it over my head, it eats me inside.  I feel so guilty everytime I hurt people unintentially and when they keep bringing it up it kills me inside and it shows that they haven't completely forgiven me.  Then I feel bad and it just stinks for everyone involved.

But number 4, goes hand-in-hand with number 8.  When people keep talking about your mistakes and failures they {and you} continue to be bitter.  I have one friend that ALWAYS hold my mistakes over my head. I fell awful for my mistake and would love to be forgiven and have it be forgotten.  But with the sheer mass of people that know, I do not see that happening anytime soon.  It makes me sick to think about.  The night it happened I stayed up all night crying because of my guilt.  The Holy Spirit makes me feel awful for things I do, and I kind of love that about Him.  So, I have Him; I do not need others to point out my mistakes.

Please, I am begging you, forgive and forget.  You never know when you, joking about it could not be as fun for the person you are joking around with.