there is hope!

Oh my gosh, I have been so busy blogging hasn't even crossed my mind. With back to school, work, homework, and the craziness of life I would venture to say I haven't posted in a month? I'm sorry. Student Council is taking up a ton of time as we struggle to get prepared for the upcoming school year, I work every weekend, and life is just crazy. 

So I was reading something one of my friends posted on facebook about purity. I have worn a purity ring since the end of my sophomore year. If you don't know what a purity ring is, it's a ring that you wear where your wedding ring would go as a promise to not have sex before marriage. Anyways, I recently stopped wearing it just because. I endured all the questions like "oh my goodness, did something happen?" No, I simply took it off. I just didn't feel like wearing it anymore. But the meaning for me goes deeper, I hate waiting. I just want God to show me my perfect man, what girl doesn't? My sophomore and junior year were boy centered. I pushed God out. I told God that if he wouldn't show me my perfect man, I would find him. Which, now that I think about it, explains why no guys were genuinely interested. The ones that were interested, weren't guys I wanted to date. I knew God was up there laughing. He showed me that I am not at all capable of finding a guy, let alone the perfect one. 

So now I've made it sound like I have it all figured out. Mission accomplished right? nice try! This is the part of this story that is raw and real, and current. God isn't enough for me. A part of me died when I typed that. He never has been. Don't get me wrong, God is enough. But I still feel empty. I have never been super close with God. I feel like people who blog have life changing stories. If that's what you are looking for, save yourself the time and do something else. I am here to be real with you, my life is in shambles. I have never felt farther from God and it is probably the worst and scariest thing in the world. I'm at the point where I can learn from this or go off the deep end. If you have never been at rock bottom, and I mean way down, so far that you can barely see the light at the top; you can't comprehend how scary it is. The fact that you are so far from the light {God} that you can barely see Him. When you think you can't fall any farther down, you meet a new friend who hates church and everything about it. You can't be there to change her mind because you don't by any means have any hope left to share. 

But let me tell you, there is hope. That little glimmer of light that you can see from the bottom of the dark place you are in, it's getting closer. God will never leave you. My mom always tells me, "the only person that ever walks away from your {my & God's} relationship; is you." Life is crazy and it may get hectic but God doesn't give up on you. He is waiting to pull you out of the dark place. It doesn't get much better than that. 

xox,
kirsten