summer days

xox,

kirsten

Leader Dog for the Blind.

This entry is so overdue and I am sorry. I am back from camp!  It was a blast & I want to go back! I had the sweetest girl who was blind.  She was actually like 25 years old, which wasn't what I was expecting but it was exactly what I needed.  

On July 13th I got on a bus with 25 other people to go to Camp Barnabas, a camp for children with special needs. On the bus they asked us to share our stories {or testimonies.} I stalled, I really didn't was 13 people to know my heart.  I didn't want to be vulnerable.  This is the first time ever that I have ever shared my story.  I shared it on the bus ride down, in my cabin, bus ride back, and with my small group leader!  It was so refreshing and it got us all so much closer to hear everyones stories. I still had no idea what I was in for, I didn't know what my camper would be like, what disability, boy/girl, etc. So going down to camp there was an unsettled feeling in my stomach.  I wanted to know who my camper would be.

When we got to camp I was in cabin G7 with one of my best friends Mikayla! At first everyone was asking, "How the heck did those two end up together?"  But, it was totally a God thing.  She was the last person I expected to be put in a cabin with but I needed her so much through out the week. She was my rock, my smile, my encourager. I would have never gotten through the week without her.  

When the time came to pick campers, none of them stuck out to me.  It was really hard because last year I saw the list and my campers name stuck out.  But this year no one did.  Then I heard "Merideth, she's blind and has learning disabilites." Mikayla told me that she was my friends camper last year and something just clicked.  I knew that she was exactly who I was supposed to have.  On camper arrival day she was one of the last to arrive.  But when she did we talked all the way back to the cabin.  She kept telling me, "we're going to get along fine!" I started to believe her. It was so easy to talk to her and she was so sweet! I didn't feel like it was a job, I felt like I was talking to a friend. 

The second day we went canoeing and fishing. There were no fish in the creek but we got to teach the campers to fish and it was a great bonding time. As we sat there waiting for fish to bite Merideth was telling me about what she does at home. It was so awakening to see that she doesn't get to do much and is content. It was really a wake up call to see that she just sits in her house except for going to work and is perfectly happy and I whine when I can't see my friends some weekends. So after fishing we went canoeing. Merideth was one of three girls that wanted to go. I am not good a canoeing at all. So we kept running into the shore and I was getting frustrated so I yelled up to my staffer and asked how deep it was. She told me it was about waist deep. Next thing you knew I was in the water. It was really funny and a running joke in our cabin.

As everyones personalities started to come out it was obvious, this was going to be a great week! They all knew each other and they were so funny together. It was so refreshing to be away from society and just pour into this sweet girl! We did all the typical camp activities: fishing, archery, rifles, swimming, excursion. wait, what? Yeah, that's right. excursion. We took 8 blind girls out into the woods. What an adventure that was! We cooked hot dogs, walked to the creek, swam in the creek, made dinner, and slept outside. Yep, under the stars. I must say, it was such an amazing night! All the CIAs bonded. As an added bonus, I took some benedryl and fell right to sleep! We left after breakfast in the morning. Honestly, I'm shocked I survived. {hehe} 

There was one girl in our cabin, Torey, who was an amazing violinist. She could hear 20 seconds of a song and then play it! She was so obsessed with playing at wrap up. Finally the day came that Beth told Torey she could play at wrap up. She screamed so loud and the whole room looked at her. It was such a great moment to see her so happy. The other cool thing about Torey? Her faith. Everytime she had the chance to pray she would pray for her eyes. She was born blind and is now 18. She has probably been praying that prayer her whole life! Yet, she continues to pray for something she has never recieved. So many times, I pray for things for maybe a week to month maximum and then forget about it! This girl has been praying the same prayer for 18 years! What faith she must have in God. The coolest part of her prayers were when she would say, "God, if it's in your will, give me my eye sight back!" If it's in Gods will! Be honest, how often do you pray asking for things. A lot. But, how often do you ask God if it's in his will! We just ask for things. Take a lesson from Torey, be patient.

One of the memories that I will cherish is excursion. The day was long and tiring but it hit nighttime and we had dinner with a boy cabin that was out on excursion. We just got to sit there and talk with them and have fun.  After dinner we had worship and just sat there praising our God and looking up at the millions of stars you could see out there. It is a memory that I will forever cherish.

Another little girl I met that had a great story was Emily. I wrote about her earlier but her story is just so amazing. When her mother died she tried to commit suicide by shooting herself.  She was found and taken to the ER. They did surgery and got back everything but her eyesight.  But the coolest thing about emily is, when she shot herself she shot out the part of her brain that makes her sad. She is filled with genuine joy, all the time. This was definetly a girl I needed to meet. I get so upset over the dumbest things, but this girl doesn't have a lot but is genuinely happy all the time. How cool is that? She made a huge impact in my life and will forever have a special place in my heart. 

The last night was cross carry which is by far the most emotional event I have ever had the opportunity to be involved in. The cross has names if campers who have come to camp and since passed away. The cross is passed by all the cabins pray over it. It's really emotional because some of the campers know people on it. Every year I tell myself I won't cry and every year, I cry. It just is so heart breaking to see amazing kids who may not get to come back to camp the next year because of a disease. It always gets me. After cross carry we went to "sayso" which is a time for campers, CIAs, and staff to talk about their week. Merideth decided at the last minute to go up. It warmed my heart to hear her talk about how much she loved me and just being at camp. Hearing her talk that night made everything worth it. 

Camp Barnabas will alway have a very special place in my heart. The people I meet there are some of the sweetest and best people in the world. I wish the whole world was like camp. Every camper holds such a special place in my heart. Camp Barnabas has changed me for the better. It challenged me, broke me, and renewed me. 

Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. {Phillipians 2:3}

I was eyes to the blind, and I was feet to the lame. {Job 29:15}

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put shame to the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put shame the things which are mighty. {1 Cor. 1:27}

Sneak Peek: Emily

My official camp blog isn't up. So whoever is waiting for that, I'm sorry. For making you wait so long I will give you a sneak peek. 

I want to introduce you to Emily. She wasn't my camper but she was in my cabin.  She has such a cool story. Her CIA asked her if she was born blind or if she had became blind sometime during her life. She explained she lost her eye sight a few years ago. She was upset about her mothers death and tried to commit suicide by shooting herself.  She survived, she went in the surgery and gained back everything but her sight. The coolest thing about emily? When she shot herself, she shot out the part of her brain that makes her sad. She is happy all the time! How cool is that?! Nothing upsets her. 
I think we can all learn a thing or two from this girl. So often we get upset over the dumbest things. Emily has pure joy all the time. 


Psalms 47:1 Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!


I could not think of a more perfect verse for this girl. She loves God with everything she has! Her joy is so great that it makes everyone happy. What if we were like that? That people would be filled with joy from just being around you. God may have taken her sight, but he gave her so much more in return. She will forever hold a place in my heart. 


xox,
kirsten

1, 2, 3, smile!

I know it's been a while but I have been so sick and things have been crazy after getting back from camp! {& I am still working on my Barnabas blog, it will be up before the summer ends and hopefully earlier} But, today I would like to talk about something I noticed at my work last weekend. 


One of the waiters was taking a picture to a group of women.  It was your typical picture, he said "1, 2, 3!" and then took the picture. Normal right? Yes. The part after is the part that shook me. After the flash went of their smiles vanished! They all jumped up to see what they looked like, the waiter walked away, and they went on with their meal. I have seen countless people get their picture taken, but never noticed how quickly the smiles vanish after the camera is out away..  

I feel like so often we are just like these women. It's seems so normal to smile and be happy when we are on camera. {Replace the camera with people.} So often we fake a smile in public and then when we get home it vanishes. We feel the need to smile and be happy around people, when in reality we are hurting. 

Proverbs 15:13 - "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."

Crushes the spirit. If you just pretend to be happy, it makes you more upset.  I am not saying to walk around crying. I am saying to be vulnerable. Tell people what's going on. It will lift some of the burden and make you feel better. Be real. Smile when you're happy and tell someone when you are hurting.

xox, 

kirsten

songs that heal the heart.

I was listening to my pandora before I left for Barnabas and You Are More by Tenth Avenue North came on.  It was just what I needed to hear. Knowing that I am worth more than the mistakes I have made was so freeing. Just because Barnabas last year was not great didn't mean this year had to be the same way.  I had a fresh start!  

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

Another song that really hit home was Beautiful by Mercyme.  Pretty much saying that even when you are super discouraged and you feel like a failure, God still thinks you are beautiful!  

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves,
Enough to die!

You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful!
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful!
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His.

how great is that? You always belong to God, no matter what you do! No matter how weak and helpless you feel, He is always right besides you.

xox,

kirsten

p.s. my camp blog will be up soon, I am still working on writing it! But here's a picture of my camper! 

going back?

Last year two days from today I left for Camp Barnabas for the first time. This year, in two days, I am going back.  Let me explain the ironic thing, I can't think of one reason why I am going back.  Honestly, I don't even know if I want to go back.  My heart is pounding! I wish God would just tell me why the heck I am going back! Last year my camper and I didn't click at all, and I was so homesick!  Don't get me wrong, I loved Lili.  But, she was so quiet and I felt like she didn't appreciate me. {sorry, as a girl I long to be appreciated..} We had a lot of fun together as you see in the two pictures that go along with this post, but we never really bonded.  So I can't imagine why God would send me back..


I rest in the fact that I am going back for a reason.  I am being sent to this camp for a certain kid, a kid that needs me, or maybe I need them.  Long story short, I have a purpose in going back.  I just have to find it! Who knows maybe my camper will hate me, maybe it will be someone I was never expecting or maybe it will be someone I will get super close with.  But I trust God to know that he has the perfect camper planned for me.  


Psalm 32:8 says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.


Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.


I find rest in these verses, I am going back to Camp Barnabas for a reason. Maybe I need the kid. Maybe the kid needs me.  Maybe, someone else in the cabin needs me. Maybe, I will never know why I was sent back. But, I know one thing, I am on this team for a reason. For one camper that God has been planning our lives for the moment our paths cross.  {crazy right?!}   But, that is how great the God I serve is.  I know he wouldn't bring me to this camp for nothing, and I am very excited to see why I get to go back. 


xox,
kirsten


p.s if you think of it, please pray for
-team unity
-safety
-our campers
-the counclers {CIAs}
& I will be posting an update when I get back, hopefully soon after the 21st!  Don't leave me, I will be back! & with pictures!! :)

Remind me.

I am one of those people who had never had any huge life plans.  I have always felt inferior to my friends who have their lives planned out.  I want so desperately to know what my life will hold.  I know that God has a plan, I just wish His path was a little more clear.  I don't want to make my own plans for fear of messing with God's. 

Have you ever heard a song and you just sat there thinking, "wow, this person can read my mind!"  Well today I was sitting eating my lunch listening to the Christian Contemporary channel on Pandora and Remind me who I am to You by Jason Gray came on.  I kind of tuned it out because I was on facebook, but at a closer listen, it explains my life!  Just read & let the words soak in..

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don't wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home,
Remind me who I am.
When I can't receive Your love,
Afraid I'll never be enough,
Remind me who I am.
If I'm Your beloved,
Can You help me believe it.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You.
That I belong to You.

I'm the one you love,
I'm the one you love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one you love.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.

Tell me once again who I am to You.
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.

When you forget who you are and what your purpose on earth is, ask God to remind you why you are here.  He will blow you away.  You are not here to drool over One Direction, repin cute clothes, and have fun with your friends. As fun {and harmless.} as this stuff is, don't let it get in the wayof your calling on the earth.  Love the least, encourage people, serve.  No one on this earth is here on accident, even the meanest person.  You are placed in your home, your classes, your friend groups, your church, for a certain purpose.  Never lose sight of the things that actually matter.  You can bring friends & family to heaven with you, but clothes, computer, phones, and other material items don't.  Prioritize!  If you open your heart to Gods plan and what he wants to do in your life I can guarantee you won't regret it.  It won't be east but trust me, it is so worth it!

xox,
kirsten